Request by *Seimyx
And I couldn't help but make a little story to go along with it!

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Something horrible was going down in the World That Never Was, and no, it was not that Hannah Montana marathon playing on Memory Skyscraper. It was Xemnas. Baking muffins.

Besides Saix, the others were off on a mission or probably dead already, so it was he who came across that terrifying sight: Xemnas in Zexion's frilly pink apron, along with hair clips in a vain attempt to keep his hair out of his face. And it was probably flour on his face, but to put it bluntly, it looked more like Xemnas had just finished pleasuring the cooking utensils. He stood over a tray of four sad-looking little muffins.

"What are you doing?" Saix asked.

Xemnas motioned towards the depressing fruits of his labor. "I'm sick of top ramen for every meal," Xemnas explained. After an awkward silence, he added, "Don't you want to try one?"

OH GOD NO! NO! NO! "Alright," Saix replied. He picked up the tray and looked them over. None of them looked any better than another, so he picked one out randomly and popped it into his mouth. It was not the taste he worried about, it was the questioning that was sure to follow.

"So...? How is it?" Xemnas asked.

"Good, good," Saix replied a bit too quickly. He realized his mistake. DAMN IT!

Xemnas raised an eyebrow. "What? So they're good. Don't you think I can replace Zexion as the cook?"

This was the problem Saix had. He simply can't lie to his man. Even if these muffins are perfectly edible, they're crap compared to the exquisite cuisines Zexion always made. It's just easier to stick to top ramen. No one's ego gets bruised.

Xemnas was not pleased with the long pause. He crossed his arms. "So I'm not good enough now?"

"You're not better--"

"Not better than that emo midget who called a book a weapon?"

"Not at cooking--"

"You ate the muffin."

OKAY I'M GONNA SHUT UP RIGHT NOW! "Because you told me to." DAMN IT!

Xemnas turned his back at Saix. "Oh, so you didn't even like it?"

This was all to familiar. A couple months ago, Xemnas showed Saix his black-and-white coat that he made all by himself. It wasn't Saix's fault he thought it looked tacky. And of course he couldn't lie about it, but he tried his best giving vague answers. Then Xemnas asked him that exact question, and Saix replied with a shrug, "You can't be good at everything."

Xemnas wouldn't talk to him for weeks, wouldn't allow him in his room, would even kick poor Saix off the couch while he watched the Disney channel. No matter how many times Saix would say he was sorry for telling the truth, Xemnas would not listen to reason.

Saix could not stand Xemnas ignoring him and depriving him of super happy fun time. He started getting desperate. He'd leave heart-oriented at Xemnas's door every day like chocolate, stuffed toys, pillows. He went as far as teaching himself fluent Spanish only to discover that Xemnas had no knowledge of that language, which only started another argument concerning his ethnicity.

All hope seemed lost for Saix. And all over a fashionably-challenged coat. But then, that gave him an idea. It was corny and it meant possibly ruining a perfectly good shirt, but he didn't know what else to go. He grabbed a red marker and wrote "Property of Xemnas" on his whit t-shirt, along with a little drawing of his man.

At first, Xemnas laughed at him, laughed like how all the other Nobodies wanted to if they weren't so afraid of Saix. But when he was done, he said, "Come here." And he led Saix to his room.

"WELL...?" Xemnas's voice snapped Saix back to the present. Saix still had the muffin liner in his mouth and Xemnas still had his back at him.

This was a very crucial moment. Saix needed to come up with the perfect thing to say to redeem himself and please Xemnas. "Uh..." GREAT START, DUMBASS! "Can't we just skip to the make-up sex?"

It was Xemnas's turn to pause and think. He slowly turned around with an intrigued smirk on his face and he replied, "On your knees, Saix."

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Kingdom Hearts (c) Disney, Square Enix